


I Hear You

by tooberjoober



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: I always picture tos characters, M/M, a lot of pining, but who knows with me, but you can picture aos really, its kinda weird, radio au, this should be a short fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2020-01-07
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:28:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21949603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tooberjoober/pseuds/tooberjoober
Summary: Spock is the captain of a small science vessel, when one of his crew asks to listen to a starfleet radio program while they work. Spock agrees and becomes (logically) fascinated with the host of the program.
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Spock
Comments: 54
Kudos: 382





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A little holiday gift for you and me. This should be a fairly short fic (I’m hoping on only doing 3 chapters or so, I can’t see it being longer than 5). Since it’s gonna be p short and it’s Christmas, I figured I’d post it anyways, and hopefully I’ll finish it soon.
> 
> Hope you enjoy and if you do, let me know!!!

“Captain Spock, is it alright if we turn on federation radio while we work?” Sulu asked, turning in his chair to face the Captain. 

Spock raised an eyebrow. “Why?” 

”To be honest, I work better with some background noise. I know I’m probably not the only one.” Sulu said, looking around to see various nods of assent. “Besides, a good friend from the academy runs one of the shows.” 

Spock glanced over at his first officer for advice. Rand let out a soft sigh. “It is common practice for humans to put on music or news in the background while they work. It occupies parts of our brains that would otherwise be doing nothing but distracting us from our current task.” She explained. “We could do without it if you think it may be detrimental to your work though.” She added. 

”Very well, ensign.” Spock nodded. “You may play your radio so long as it does not distract anyone.” 

”Awesome, thanks Captain.” Sulu grinned, turning back to back to his station. He gestured to Uhura who shook her head slightly, but turned on the speakers and the radio show. 

”Hello, I’m James T. Kirk, where the T stands for tacky. Today I’m just recording in my dorm, because I am far too lazy to travel to the recording studio, so I apologize for the slightly poorer quality. And if you hear some sweet southern swearing that means that my loveliest of roommates Bones has walked in and is probably pissed off at me.” There were chuckles scattered across the bridge from people that had known Jim or Bones during their time in the academy, as most of the people on the Observer were recent graduates, including the young Captain, who had just finished a year teaching there. 

Spock ignored the voice as he analyzed the most recent reports he had been given. But he had to admit there was something soothing in it, something almost comforting or familiar.

“Before I talk about federation news and gossip, I would like to wish happy sailing to my friends on the Observer, that officially left the solar system at around eight am this morning.” There were some light cheers from the crew. “I have a hard time getting out of bed before then, but you guys were already off of the planet.” He chuckled. “But seriously, I’m so proud of the people I know that got assigned to this ship and the many other friends that graduated recently. I’ll be up there with ya soon, save some part of the universe for me to explore.” As strange as it was, Spock swore he could hear the smile upon the man’s face. 

* * *

Jim hummed you himself as he looked through his notes of things to talk about. He groaned slightly. “I don’t really know what all to talk about today.” He admitted. “I have this whole list of topics in front of me that I made, thinking I’d be able to talk about at least one of them, but I find myself completely unable to.” He hummed a few more notes thoughtfully. “Maybe I’ll check the email. It’s been a minute since I’ve done that on air.” He shrugged. 

He maneuvered his computer, pulling out the email he made for the show. “Oh, if you’re a first time listener and you wanna send me fan mail or a question or something, the email is James Kirk radio at Starfleet dot org.” He piped up, signing into his email. “Okay we have…two new emails from the last time I checked…” He clucked his tongue. “One from my roommate insulting me for being annoying. If you’re listening out there, thanks Leonard. Love you too.” He rolled his eyes. “Another from…Admiral Christopher Pike. Ah yes, the father of the command track. I, like a lot of Starfleet brats, was never particularly close with my dad. I feel like Pike has a sort of sixth sense about this thing. He sees a cadet and he just knows. He walks into a room of a hundred students, points to the ones with daddy issues, and then invites them to join him and his wife for dinner.” Jim laughed. “Let’s see what pearls of wisdom our darling Christopher has to offer…dear Jim, love the show as usual. I listen whenever I get the chance, just remember…” Jim let out a sigh. “Use the censor when you swear, this is an official academy and Federation show.” Jim groaned, rolling his eyes.

”God forbid a federation officer hear one-“ He pressed the button but didn’t say anything. He held the button down for several seconds longer than necessary. “Swear word. I know you’re just doing your job here, Chris, but that is a dumb-“ Again he pressed the button for longer than necessary. “rule.”

* * *

”If you miss my voice between these sessions, remember there’s a backlog of these to be found at Starfleet radio dot com slash James Kirk.” The voice from the radio said after a little over an hour of content. “Until next time, I’ve been James T. Kirk. Don’t forget me while you’re up in those stars.” 

Uhura turned off the radio, stretching slightly. “What do you think, Captain? James Kirk is quite the uh…character, isn’t he?” She let out a chuckle, shaking her head slightly. 

“Indeed.” Spock responded, not looking up from the padd he was analyzing information on. “He was given this show since he is a communication student?” Spock asked idly. 

”Oh god no.” Sulu shook his head. “Jim’s on the command track.”

”The radio show’s never been a particularly popular extra curricular.” Uhura responded with a shrug. “Jim was bored and Pike suggested it.” 

”He’s just so charismatic, he made it work.” Sulu let out a chuckle. “Turned it into something a bit infamous.” 

“Fascinating.” Spock mused softly, continuing to look through his padd. “If it does not turn out to have a negative effect on your work, I have no issues with you continuing to…support your friend while on this mission.” Spock said, handing the padd off to Rand and steepling his fingers in thought. 

”Thank you, Captain Spock.” Sulu said, offering Spock a smile. Spock nodded, looking out the window. 

* * *

Spock returned to his quarters, and for the first time since he started in Starfleet his quarters felt too quiet. He had spent most of his life alone in one way or another, but somehow he always managed to talk his way out of being lonely. What was different tonight? Why did his heart ache, wishing that he had someone to come home to, when that was never something he wanted. When Spock saw his future, he never saw a relationship. He was supposed to be with T’Pring, but that had fallen through, and Spock wasn’t heartbroken. He saw a ship where he was free to study what he wanted. A place where he could explore and learn. But now he thought of the warmth of another body in his bed. He thought of how cold this ship was, and how terribly quiet. 

He picked up his personal padd. He needed noise, what a unique human concept. 

“Hello, I’m James T. Kirk where today the T stands for tits out. You heard it here first folks, today I ripped another shirt.” The voice filled the room with warmth and Spock felt less alone. “What the fuck does Starfleet make their uniform out of that a little sparring makes the shirt tear so much?” He demanded. “Crap, I should’ve bleeped that out, shouldn’t I have? Sorry, Chris.” 

In the solitude of his quarters, Spock allowed himself a small smile, as he opened another tab on his padd to search for a face to put to the voice in his ears.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wanted to put this out because it had the scene I came up with first and I really like how it all turned out. Also! Think this will be 4 chapters, thats the plan at least. Also just FYI this chap takes place a few weeks after the first one (Spock has to have some time to listen to like 100 hours of audio)
> 
> Anyways thanks to those who’ve commented, I hope y’all enjoy and if you do, let me know!!!

Spock felt a human amount of shame (and small amount of pride) as he finished going through the backlogs of Jim’s radio career. Almost two years of a show that happened twice a week. And Spock had listened to all of them, for a reason he could not quite explain. He projected the face of the logical Vulcan in search of knowledge in front of his crew, but in the safety of his quarters, he allowed himself this small obsession. 

He found no real explanation for his infatuation with Jim. He felt like he knew him. His voice was familiar. He rationalized this away by saying that of course he felt this way after listening to almost a hundred hours of James Kirk talking about whatever he wanted to. But he couldn’t deny that he had that feeling since the beginning. He looked at the photos on Jim’s various social media (that Spock looked up purely out of a desire to put a face to a voice) and he felt a strong sense of deja vu. 

Spock let out a breath, wishing there was more to listen to. He wish he still had Jim’s voice with him. He picked up his padd, once again seeking Jim’s face. There was something familiar in those eyes. It was warm and kind and dangerous. Spock could easily lose himself in those eyes, just as easily as he lost himself in that voice. At this point, if he ever met Kirk, he knew he would be a goner. The thought of meeting Kirk sent a ripple of butterflies through his stomach. Spock could see it so clearly.

It would be at a Starfleet function, of course. Spock in the blue science uniform he preferred, Kirk in a golden uniform that matched his hair and his eyes and his voice. Spock would wait and see if he approached or if they were introduced. Perhaps a member of Spock’s crew would introduce them. Kirk would smile a lopsided sort of grin that lit up the room around them and he would offer Spock his hand to shake. And Spock, despite his Vulcan heritage and anatomy, would look at the hand offered to him and would accept it. He would keep his shields up to protect Kirk, of course, but secretly Spock would relish the contact. He would hold the hand for perhaps a second to long, just to swim in the feeling of those warm fingers against his skin. The scenario was enough to ma ke Spock’s mouth dry. 

Spock could daydream all he wanted, but he knew that a handshake was the most he could ever get from a man like Kirk. Kirk often mentioned his sexual exploits and romantic endeavors on the show, never saying names of course, but always giving characteristics. He talked about flirting with humans and aliens alike and waking up in strange locations. He spoke of breakups and strange courtships and anatomy. He would not find interest in a Vulcan. Most people believed Vulcans to be celibate save for reproduction. Most people believed Spock was celibate or asexual. And of course there was the fact that Spock and Jim didn’t know each other. Jim had likely only heard of Spock in passing, if at all. Even if they met, even if Jim knew who he was, Jim would never want someone like Spock. 

* * *

”Hello, I’m James T Kirk, where today the t stands for tired. Have I used that one before? Probably, but guess what? I don’t care, because I’m t-t-t-tired!” Jim let out a long suffering sigh. “It’s a lovely winter break and I am recording from back in Iowa on my shitty laptop and padd set up.” Jim glanced out the window of the Kirk family farm. It was a cozy older building, looking pretty similar to a stereotypical farm. Outside snow floated by in a way he’d find prettier if he didn’t know he was going to have to sludge through it the next day. 

“I know normally students take breaks during the Academy’s little winter breaks, but I volunteered to pick up a few more time slots.” He said. “I’ve never been big on celebrating holidays.” Jim shrugged. “I celebrated Hanukkah as a kid, but I haven’t for a while now…” He rubbed the back of his neck. That was a bit too dark to share on the show. “Besides, my brother and his family live on another planet. My mom’s off planet. Even if I wanted to celebrate, I’ve got no one to celebrate with.” Jim forced a smile onto his face, despite the fact that no one is there. 

“Sorry for getting a little downer, but the holidays can be a lonely time, I’m sure you all understand.” He let out a laugh. “But you know, strangely enough it’s not the actual…being alone that’s bad. I think I’d rather be alone curled up with a good book than be at a holiday party people are forced to be at for no other reason than because their boss told them to.” Jim leaned back in his chair. “Don’t get me wrong, holiday parties can be fun, and I love a good batch of eggnog or punch that someone spiked. It’s just that…all the cheer and affection is so…fake.” Jim shrugged. “I’d rather be alone than be around a buncha people who pretend they know me.” 

Jim let out a sigh. “I think the snow is making me philosophical, guys.” He chuckled. “This is what happens when you’re trapped alone in a farm, in the middle of bum-“ He pressed the censor. “nowhere Iowa. You question everything you know and regret everything you’ve done.” 

* * *

Spock let Jim’s voice echo through his room, the sound of it filling a hole in his chest he hadn’t been aware of. This…longing was a situation he didn’t know how to deal with. It was a nearly constant ache in the back of his head. Like there was a forgotten bruise on his brain that kept knocking against something. 

“But let me wish, for the first time of many while I’m doing this, happy holidays to everyone, both on planet or off. Whether you’re in Georgia, on Malgra Four, or on a little science vessel up in the stars. I hope you’re doing well. I hope you’re staying warm. Listener, I hope you’re spending time with someone special. I hope you have people you love, who love you. I hope you’re spending time with someone like that. And…if you don’t have anybody like that right now? Well…” Jim let out a soft, sad chuckle, glancing out the window at the falling snow and pulling his knees up close to his chest. “At least we have each other.” 

Spock could hear the loneliness in his voice. And it burned in his throat. Stung around his eyes like tears. He didn’t want Jim hurting. Spock grabbed his padd and began composing a message to send anonymously to Jim.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry sorry, things have been happening  
> Anyways I’m back with another chapter of this! Maybe the penultimate chapter? I was gonna put more into this one but then I liked where I had stopped writing for the night, so I didn’t. So I may go back and up the chapter number again, but also maybe not, idk
> 
> Anyways, please enjoy, if you do let me know, and if I don’t update for another few days, happy New Years!

Jim refreshed his email for what felt like the fiftieth time in a row. He didn’t know why he was so bored. He didn’t even know what he was looking for. His email didn’t usually offer loads of exciting opportunities (unless you counted the obvious spam, which were often…exciting). He let out a groan, lying back on his sofa and switching through channels on the tv. He looked for a holiday special, but when he couldn’t find anything interesting, he settled on a cheesy winter romcom to make noise in the background. He looked back at his phone, just as his radio email updated, with a message. 

Jim sat up quickly, brows furrowed slightly. He rarely ever got emails for the radio. He thought briefly about saving it for his next show in a few hours, but he decided it wouldn’t hurt to read it now. The email looked kind of like a key smash, but Jim was smart enough to know it was most likely an alien word or name. 

”Dear James Kirk. I was recently introduced to your show and have put it on in my off time for ‘background noise.’ During your latest episode I noticed you sounded…sad. In a way I do not believe I have heard from you in your recordings. I also used to celebrate Hanukkah with my mother, but I have not returned to my birthplace in many years. I have found home nowhere but Starfleet. I feel like you understand this.” 

Jim swallowed, feeling his heart in his throat. This person was just really calling him out. He forced out a laugh at that thought, kind of glad he hadn’t waited to read it on air. 

“ I understand loneliness and isolation James Kirk, I have felt it almost my whole life. Being alone may be enjoyable, but loneliness is not. As strange as it may sound, you have given me comfort and almost companionship in loneliness. I hope this message serves a similar purpose. I expect no response, but I want you to know you are not alone James Kirk. There are people across the galaxy that are ‘in your corner,’ so to say. Thank you.” 

Jim felt the smile spread across his face. He held the padd to his chest, wanting to hug whoever it was that sent this in. It was so sweet and kind and caring. The message was unsigned, but Jim couldn’t imagine it was a stranger that sent it. It had to be a friend that got or borrowed a new email. His heart filled to know someone would do this. That he had someone in his corner across the galaxy. It was a good feeling. 

* * *

Spock began reading through reports that Rand had handed him after she gave a brief explanation. Uhura turned on the radio, Jim’s voice ringing out over the bridge in a way that was comforting to Spock. 

“Hello everybody, I’m James T. Kirk, where today the t stands for touched.” There was almost a coo in his voice, a softness that was both strange and appealing. “Earlier today I was bored and so I checked my radio email and I got an incredible message.” Spock paused in his reading, feeling the tips of his ears flush. He listened intently, curious as to what exactly Jim would say.

”I won’t read verbatim what the message said, it was…too special. If I read it out for everyone, it’d be less special I think.” Spock felt a small amount of relief. He did not put anything necessarily embarrassing in the message, but he did bear his soul a bit. 

“It was anonymous. And this person told me a bit about themselves and how they understood what I’m going through, the break alone and all. Isolation and loneliness…” He trailed off, clearly lost in thought. “Your message…it touched me.” Jim said softly. “I want you to know how much it means to me.” He let out a laugh. “I don’t even know your name, but it seems like you know me better than a lot of people. Whoever it was that wrote it, I’d like to know you.” His voice was soft and hopeful. Spock felt his cheeks warm, realizing he’d read the same paragraph seven times. 

“I may write a longer, more detailed response, but I wanted to talk about it for a bit.” Jim forced out an awkward laugh. “Anything to take up a bit of air time.” 

Jim moved on to talk about other things and Spock swallowed, trying to regulate his breathing again. The idea of receiving an email from Jim was…tantalizing. He felt his heart speed up in his side as he thought about reading the message back in his quarters. What he would say, whether he would remain ‘anonymous,’ the email address was his family name, but he understood it may not look like that to a human. 

”Captain?” Rand asked, looking at Spock with a raised brow. “Are you alright?” 

Spock looked at her, eyes slightly wide. “Yes. I am fine.” He responded quickly, finally turning his attention back to the forms he was reading. 

Rand narrowed her eyes slightly. “Alright.” She said, obviously not believing him. But he was her superior officer, and who was she to question him? 

* * *

Jim stared at his padd. He didn’t know where to begin. He couldn’t explain why he felt so nervous. He would be talking to someone who was sort of a fan of his. The thought was weird, but it was true. He typed up a draft, then immediately deleted it. Why was he so worried about what this person thought? Why did he care about this stranger? He didn’t even worry himself so much when he was talking to people in real life. Writing was just…harder. There was no emotion inherent in writing. Just words. He let out a breath. 

* * *

”I don’t know if you listened to the show earlier today, but I talked about your message, (hope that was okay!). Your message was…it was just so sweet and kind. You’re right, I’ve been feeling a little bit alone, with all of my academy friends on vacation or on a starship or something. But you made me feel less alone. I don’t know where you are, or who you are, but if you’d like to keep writing me, I’d like that. We could be alone together.” There was a smiling emoticon on the message. Spock felt his heart clench in his side as he continued reading. 

”I’m sorry that I’m not very good at writing or anything. Having time to rethink and reread is…not good for me.” A laughing face inserted there. “But I should ask you some questions. You know all about me, but I know nothing about you. What’s your name? Are you in the academy or on a ship somewhere? Anything else you wanna tell me or talk about, do it. Hopefully I’ll hear from you soon. Signed, Jim T (as in thanks for the message) Kirk.” 

Spock didn’t smile. Vulcans did not smile, so neither did Spock. But he couldn’t deny his heart racing in his side, nor could he ignore the way one side of his lips quirked upward. He knew if he looked at himself in the mirror he would see he was positively giddy for a Vulcan. He immediately began drafting his response. 

* * *

“Dear James, I would not be opposed to beginning a correspondance. My name is Spock. I am the captain of the Observer on its one year mission. Some of my bridge crew requested to listen to your show while we work and I have allowed it. It has had no adverse affects on the crew’s work ethic, though I will admit I was distracted when you began discussing the message I sent you. Truth be told, I do not fully know why I messaged you to begin with. I suppose I felt a similar loneliness at the time. It is not difficult to feel lonely, even on a starship full of people, I sometimes notice my own isolation. I find you fascinating, James Kirk, in a way I do not fully comprehend. And while you say you wish to know more about me, I feel a similar curiosity about you. You may ask me any question you like and I will answer what I can. But I hope you will continue to talk about yourself, so I may learn too.” 

Jim knew several people on the Observer. He knew it’s Captain, Spock. He recognized the name of the only Vulcan in Starfleet. He recognized the name from correspondances with Sulu and Scotty and Uhura. His face flushed slightly as he wondered what Spock could learn about him from them. It was a bad thought. He didn’t think any of them were particularly buddy buddy with the Captain, but if they listened to him on the bridge… 

Jim shook the thought out of his head, searching for a picture of Spock, just to refresh his memory. He had been to one of Spock’s lectures on xenobotany with Sulu. He remembered leaning over to Sulu to comment on how hot he was. Jim felt a little bit mortified. He knew his face was red now, but he couldn’t stop himself from thinking of Spock in his black professor’s uniform. It fit him well, all prim and proper. 

Spock’s Starfleet profile picture did Jim’s memory justice. The man was in a well fitted black uniform again, not a hair out of place, no trace of humor or emotion on the stoic, alien face. _And Jim sent him emojis._

”Oh god.” Jim groaned, sinking into his couch, about to die from embarrassment. 

Jim read over the letter again, embarrassment waning. Spock didn’t seem to be judging or criticizing him at all. Spock, despite his Vulcan heritage, talked about loneliness and a fascination with Jim, of all people. He talked about intuition, about not knowing the reason why he sent the message but sending it anyways. Jim…distracted him. Jim couldn’t explain why the words “not opposed to a correspondence” were making him swoon, but they were. 

He typed up a response to the letter, the same amount of overthinking as before, but this time for different reasons. This time he overthought because he knew who he was talking to, and he wanted to make a good impression. 

He put his padd aside, letting his thoughts wander over the Vulcan. He thought about all the little things in Spock’s messages that were just slightly alien. He thought about Spock noticing the sadness in his voice, despite the fact that Vulcans prided themselves on being emotionless. He thought about Spock’s appearance, once again pulling up his Starfleet profile to gawk at his picture. He almost wished the sender remained anonymous. Almost. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay it’s really gonna end next chapter I swear lmao  
> I just would’ve felt weird going directly from their first few letters to them meeting and boom being in love. Also this takes place a little after the last chapter, a few months at least.  
> Anyways I hope y’all enjoy this and if you do, let me know!

“Why haven’t you been back to Vulcan in so long?” Spock stared at the question thoughtfully. At this point he and Jim had exchanged several messages back and forth, but this was the first question that gave him pause. The first one he wasn’t sure about answering. Jim had told him that if at any point he was uncomfortable with a question to say so. It was understandable that Spock might not be comfortable sharing this information, but the strangest thing was that Spock wanted to tell him. 

Some part of him that had grown larger over the time they had started messaging wanted to tell James Kirk everything. That part was the part of him that made his heart race hearing Jim make mention of their correspondance on the radio. The part that made the tips of his ears flush when Jim said something particularly kind. The part of him that was frustratingly developing feelings for Jim. Spock swallowed, lifting his chin and beginning to draft his next message to Jim. 

* * *

”Jim, I was hesitant to answer one of the latest question you sent. I do not make a habit of telling individuals private information. And yet I do want to tell you. I suppose because we are…friends. I believe it is safe to say that.” Jim allowed himself a smile that started small, but soon threatened to take over his face. Spock had called them _friends._ He paused in his reading for a second, allowing that small joy to wash over him for a moment. 

”What did your boyfriend say now that’s got you in such a tizzy?” Bones asked from his side of the room, barely even glancing up from his padd. 

”You’re gonna say it’s dumb.” Jim said, ducking his head slightly, face flushing. “And he’s not my boyfriend. He actually…he just said we’re friends.” 

“Damn Jimmy, I don’t know if you’ve got it bad or if you’re just really in need of new friends.” Bones shook his head. “I not enough for you?” 

Jim rolled his eyes, not responding, but instead turning back to the message. 

”I trust you to keep this information private. My half human heritage is well known and while I still face the distaste of more close minded humans, my fate was much worse on Vulcan. Despite the Vulcan claim to pure logic, there is still prejudice, and I faced much of it. I rejected the Vulcan Science Academy because of it. Many of my father’s people believe I am too human or emotional to claim my Vulcan heritage. My father, while not as extreme as some, agrees some of those beliefs. He disagreed with my decision to join Starfleet. He no longer speaks to me.” 

Jim remembered what Spock said in his first letter. How Spock felt like he was at home no place but Starfleet. His heart ached. He knew Vulcans didn’t like physical contact, but at the moment he wanted nothing more than to hug Spock. Spock goes on in his email to speak about lighter things, updates on experiments and answers to other questions Jim had asked, but Jim fixated on this answer. 

In his head he began to craft a small domestic scene. A life he and Spock could have together. A small apartment overlooking San Fransisco, a brief break from the Starship they work on. Spock is curled on the couch with a paper book (something Jim learned they both enjoy), Jim walks over and hands him a cup of tea (another thing he learned they prefer). He presses a kiss to his forehead before he falls onto the couch beside him. Jim saw the scene so clearly it ached. He had never fantasized about something so…mundane. He wanted to be part of Spock’s home. 

”Bones.” Jim mumbled. “I do think I’m in love with him.” 

* * *

”I’m so sorry, Spock. I had no idea about any of that. But I’m glad that you told me. That you feel like you can share something like this with me. I know this isn’t much of a consolation or anything, but I never really had friends as a kid either. I wish I would’ve known you then. I would’ve worn you down and made you be my friend.” 

Spock felt an ache in his side. He shook his head slightly, knowing that he would not need to be ‘worn down’ at all. The moment he saw Jim Kirk, adult or child, somehow he would be lost to the man. 

“Just so we’re even with the backstory stuff, I’ll talk some about mine. Just know that I’m not trying to compare things or anything. Everyone has their hardships and comparing them is like apples to oranges. Alright.” 

”My parents are both Starfleet, so sometimes it’s just been me and my brother watched by an uncle. And that wasn’t awful. It wasn’t great, but our uncle wasn’t cruel or anything. And it’s not like our parents disowned us or abandoned us. They were just…working. Well um…when I was around thirteen my brother had already gone off planet to school. I was completely alone for a while. It drove me a bit crazy. And then I decided I wanted to go off planet too. I took the first opportunity I could find. It took me to a planet known as Tarsus Four.” Spock’s eyes widened slightly. Everyone knew about Tarsus. A short lived but terrible massacre. “I was lucky. I saw a lot more than I expected, but I was lucky after all. I don’t really like to talk about it.” 

Spock wished he was by Jim’s side. He wished he was beside him to place a hand on his shoulder, to hold him gently. He wanted to be with Jim. He wanted to be there for him and make him feel safe and cared for. He wanted to make sure Jim didn’t ever feel lonely again. 

* * *

”I offer my condolences. I had no way of knowing, but I almost wish I did. You honor me, Jim, with every piece of information you reveal about yourself, you make me feel honored. Your trust in me is…a precious thing, James Kirk, I want you to know this. I hold you in the highest regards and I hold our friendship dear.” 

This was the most emotional Spock had ever gotten. Jim held the padd close to his heart. He was in love with Spock. He knew he was hopeless. They had only been speaking for a few months, but he was head over heels. He checked his email three times a day, waiting for a message from Spock. He looked up everything he could about the Observer. In the back of his mind, he counted the days till they were scheduled to come back to Earth. Until he could see Spock, face to face. The thought made his stomach flip.

* * *

”Hello, I’m James T Kirk where today the t stands for…touchy feely. I’m…having a lot of emotions today and they’re about a person and I shouldn’t talk about them too much because they listen to this show but it’s…” Jim paused. 

Spock felt his heart race at this short confession, feeling lucky that this show was taking place while he was off duty. He steepled his fingers in front of his face, trying to calm his heart. He probably wasn’t the individual Jim was talking about, but he couldn’t forget something Jim had written in his last message. 

”I can’t wait to talk to you, actually talk to you. Face to face.” 

Spock echoed the sentiment. But some part of him worried about the day they met face to face. He worried that he’d make a fool of himself and that Jim would know that he was lost. But for the moment he could allow the most innocent of fantasies…that he was the one Jim was speaking about.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay last chapter is here! I’m not entirely sure how I feel about it, but I’ve stared at it a lot and can’t figure out what else to do so here it is lmao
> 
> Hope you enjoy it and I hope y’all liked this lil fic as a whole! It’s rare that I do short multichaps so idk I think it turned out well. If you enjoyed it let me know and maybe check out some of my other fics (I have So Many) but yeah!!!

“How do I look?” Jim asked, sucking in his gut as he looked at his appearance in the mirror. 

”As good as anyone can look in these damn things.” Bones responded, struggling to button up his own uniform. The formal cadet uniforms were…not particularly flattering for anyone. But if anyone could make it look good, it would be James Kirk. McCoy didn’t say that of course. “Why’re you so worried? It’s a just reception for…oh…” He rolled his eyes. “Your boyfriend was on one of the ships returning, ain’t he?” Bones teased. 

”Captain of the Observer, you know that.” Jim said, straightening his back. He had long since given up trying to convince Bones they weren’t together. 

”You what? Wanna make a good impression?” Bones scoffed. “He’s already in love with you dumbass.” 

”Bones, shut up please.” Jim huffed, running a hand through his hair and trying to get it into some semblance of order. 

“Just tell him about the ship you got put on, pants will be off.” Bones shrugged, falling back into his chair, amusement on his face as he watched Jim obsess over his appearance. 

“Leonard Horatio McCoy, if you make one comment like that in front of Spock, I swear to god-“ Jim said, face red as he finally turned from his reflection. 

“I’m teasing, Jim.” Bones rolled his eyes. “Trying to get some of the anxiety off.” Jim walked towards him and McCoy stood. “Listen, you’ll be fine. And if not it’s just a few more months until the Enterprise takes off. You can avoid him till then.” He joked, clapping Jim on the shoulder. Jim made a face that was best described as hopeless. “C’mon! You’re James t for temptress Kirk! You can charm anyone and you’ve already been chatting up this guy. Seeing you will only seal the deal.” He assured him. “Now, are you ready to head that way?” 

”No.” Jim groaned. “But yeah…I guess I am.” He swallowed, turning to the door. 

* * *

Spock sipped on a glass of punch, eyes scanning the room for a face he had never seen in real life, but one he had memorized regardless. The party was just beginning, a reception for the three different ships that ended their year long expeditions within the past week. People had begun milling about the room as music played somewhere in the background. Spock nodded at and greeted his crew members and the various other individuals he was already acquainted with. 

”Captain Spock!” Christopher Pike grinned, coming up towards Spock and clapping him on the shoulder. 

”Captain Pike.” Spock greeted with a nod. 

”How was the Observer? Did captaincy treat you well?” He asked, leaning back as the man sipped his own punch. He made a slight face. “Can’t believe no one’s spiked this yet.” He offered with a laugh. 

Spock nodded. “The Observer and captaincy both introduced…new challenges. Not a negative experience in the slightest, but I believe I may seek out different paths in the future.” Spock responded thoughtfully. 

”Really?” Pike said with a grin that slowly took over his face. “I’m glad to hear you say that-“ Near the door, Spock caught a glimpse of familiar golden brown hair and his heart rate sped up. “I’ve got an opportunity. Technically it comes with a bit of a demotion, but most of my crew will be on the younger side and I could use someone with a bit more experience. Besides, you are one of the youngest captains in history, you could flip flop a bit-“ 

”What is the opportunity?” Spock asked, eyes finally fixing back on Pike. 

”I’ve been offered the Enterprise for a five year mission to deep space for exploratory purposes.” Pike said, putting his hands on Spock’s shoulders. “I want you as my head science officer.” 

Spock’s eyes widened slightly, and his back straightened even more as Pike grabbed him. “A five year mission?” 

”To deep space. Boldly going where no man has gone before.” Pike nodded, excitedly. “What do you say, Spock?” 

Spock swallowed, staring at Pike. “When does the ship leave?” He asked. 

”Three months.” Pike returned quickly. “There won’t be many more opportunities like this Spock and Starfleet’s trying to get me to settle into an admiralty. This is my last hoorah and there’s no one I’d rather have by my side than you.” 

Pike stared expectantly at Spock for a moment. ”I accept.” Spock nodded. 

Pike allowed a bright grin to take over his face. He grabbed Spock’s hand, hitting his shoulder once more as he shook his hand. “You won’t regret this, Spock. I’ve got the best of this graduating class. A group of talented young faces, as well as some of the best from the Observer.” 

”I will be glad to join them.” Spock nodded. Pike let him go.

”Spock?” Jim came to stand beside Pike and Spock knew it was illogical, but he felt his heart stop in his chest. 

”Jim!” Pike grinned. “I didn’t know you’d be here.” 

”Yeah, I had several friends on the Observer I wanted to see.” Jim said, glancing from Pike to Spock with a hesitant smile. 

”Spock, I see you already know my head of security.” 

”Kirk?” Spock asked, eyes slightly wider than usual. 

”Yup.” Pike smiled, throwing an arm around Jim’s shoulders. “And Jim, you’re looking at my science officer.” 

”That so?” Jim grinned, ignoring the fact that Spock called him Kirk instead of Jim. “I look forward to serving with you Mister Spock.” He said, glancing down. 

”Likewise.” Spock nodded, swallowing. 

“I’ll see you both on the Enterprise.” Pike grinned, clapping them both on the shoulder before he turned and went to go talk to someone else. 

”We will both be serving on the Enterprise.” Spock said slowly. 

”Seems so.” Jim said, feeling even more awkward now that Pike wasn’t conversing with them. “So…” He trailed off. A man coughed at Jim’s elbow. “Oh! Spock this is Bones, my roommate and the new CMO for the Enterprise.” He said quickly. 

Bones nodded. “Leonard McCoy, nice to finally meet ya.” 

”Likewise.” Spock nodded. 

The trio stood in awkward silence for a moment that seemed to stretch into eternity. Spock searched for something to say. “So…what does the t actually stand for?” He asked, cringing slightly at his own awkwardness. 

”Tactless.” Bones rolled his eyes. “I’m gonna go find some booze. You two talk about your damn love letters.” 

”Bones!” Jim snapped, but the man was already gone. His face flushed slightly. “It stands for Tiberius.” He mumbled, turning apologetically to Spock. 

Spock’s mouth was dry. “Love letters?” He questioned. 

“I’m sorry, he’s…a dick.“ Jim silently cursed McCoy. Spock’s face was blank. “He just thinks that since we’ve been talking so much it means we’re dating, even though I’ve told him a lot that we aren’t-“ Jim rambled. 

“Jim.” Spock said, interrupting his ramblings. “Could it be that I…am the individual you have been experiencing…feelings for?” He asked slowly, searching for the right word for each instance, and still sure it sounded wrong.

”Yes, I have a crush on you.” Jim said quickly, rubbing the back of his neck. “But it isn’t a big deal if you don’t feel the same. I mean I’ve treasured your letters and your trust and your friendship and we’re gonna be on the same ship so I don’t want to make things awkward-“ 

While Jim rambled, Spock glanced around them, making sure no one was paying any particular amount of attention to them. Spock grabbed Jim by the lapels, pulling him forward and pressing a quick kiss to his lips. He felt giddy at his own unVulcan impulsiveness. The kiss lasted only a second, but it effectively shut Jim up. “I find great pleasure in the sound of your voice.” Spock said, releasing Jim. “But sometimes it is better to say less than more.”


End file.
